Let me introduce here a topic of discussion that should give all of us pause in these highly-charged times of political polarization. Controversial (or should I say, detrimental) actions and recklessly misleading rhetoric by self-serving politicians can drive us out of our minds, kindling within us an extreme sense of rage and outrage, leaving us with zero patience for those foolish people that support the purveyors of those depraved ideas that we absolutely detest. We can’t believe that rational human beings could espouse such blatantly contrary-to-fact drivel, or stubbornly assert patent nonsense in the face of hard evidence. Well, it should come as no surprise, they do! And they believe so in good faith, regardless of how decisively reality contradicts them–because their reality is different. It’s theirs! And we must admit that we each have ours, too, which we espouse just as passionately.

However…

That does not mean that every opinion is sound, or that every argument is valid just because some bombastic ideologue or social media influencer spouts it. Nor does it mean we have to accept what is clearly and demonstrably false. There is such a thing as objective reality–fact–not alternative fact (there is no such thing). A fact is defined as the actual state of something claimed on the basis of empirical evidence. We call that truth. The English word fact is from the Latin, factum, i.e. that which exists as the result of something having been achieved; a thing accomplished in the real world, a deed. Factum Est: It is Done. Distortion of reality we call an untruth, a falsehood. When it is done deliberately, we call it a lie. Denial of reality in the face of evidence, or the other hand, we view as a kind of mental disorder.

Often we have to work at getting to the truth: checking, investigating, researching before drawing conclusions based on the data before us. We won’t always like what we find, but we cannot deny it. The process is not perfect. Mistakes are inevitable, but despite the mistakes, genuine efforts made in good faith will usually result in something which subsequent efforts can build on. Progress takes time and effort, but at a minimum it requires respect for truth. Not everyone is willing, for reasons of their own, to put in the required effort. Most choose the path of least resistance and are content to let others, vetted or not, do the critical thinking for them. The results are visible in the current state of affairs in our communities and nation.

So listening to others who voice absurd claims that we find intellectually indefensible, illogical, or offensive does not mean that we need to accept their views. But we need to listen to them, hear them, and seriously consider why so many feel the need for validation even when many of their strong convictions defy ordinary logic. Many of our countrymen vent their list of painful grievances that have festered for a long time. Past leaders who they hoped would relieve their suffering continually failed them. In reaching for what finally appeared to be deliverance, they willingly accepted the claims (no matter how absurd or spurious) of whoever promised hope presented to them in language they could understand. The conclusion: we must listen more to our neighbors’ concerns. They have a case. Simply ignoring their concerns leaves them hanging, and can destroy what were once warm relationships and even tear apart a nation.

We might gain some insight on political squabbling from this New York Times article, The Parents Are MAGA. The Kids are Liberal. Can You Tube Help? It features one Texas family that went so far as to create a podcast on YOUTUBE for the purpose of confronting their differences (with an eye toward changing the other side’s mind). As they fought it out publicly, the encounter sometimes ended badly. The article points out how such quarrels can lead to serious rifts between family members, friends, even spouses and partners. Such negative outcomes can endure for a long time, tearing families and friendships apart. The article mentions the observations of experts in conflict resolution and family therapy, who were brought in to analyze the emotional dynamics among the children and the parents as they hashed things out. They pointed out the virtual impossibility of succeeding in the goal of “changing someone else’s mind by insisting on your facts”, especially when the points in contention form a deep part of the other party’s identity. One will get much further by truly listening to the other person’s point of view, and by recognizing that the matter in question will likely remain insoluble. Calmly accept that their unyielding stance has reasons that are valid to them. Nevertheless, by feeling heard instead of attacked, the latter might actually go away considering some of your points more carefully (you might do likewise, of course). They might even decide to change their mind, eventually, but it will be because they chose to do so. And it will probably take a long time. 

The best course of action (and the sanest) is to stay calm, practice patient acceptance of the other person’s right to their own worldview. Work on your own predisposition to be right in every instance. Pick your battles. Is it so important to overcome the other person’s convictions in every instance?  Remember that the other person’s inner life has been shaped by their personal experiences. Their need to protect that identity transcends any argument to the contrary, no matter the strength of the evidence. Know when to leave well enough alone, and be content with finding the common ground that will keep you connected. With family members especially, you still want to be able to say with all sincerity, “I love you.”

 Below is a wise quote I found in the Comments section following the article where a reader (Arthur, from Washington DC), agreeing with one of the commenters (Kiki C), made the following observation:

I heard a good suggestion:

“If you want to hate the world, watch the news.

If you want to love the world, travel.”